Nine months

When you get pregnant, its only natural to assume that that pregnancy will last nine months. A lot of planning goes into that nine month time frame; when to enroll in birthing classes, when to have a baby shower, when to go out on maternity leave, etc.

So, needless to say, when my baby was born eight weeks early I had a lot of plans that needed changing. I was 5 weeks into my 12 week birthing class. I had not yet trained my replacement for work. I didn't even have my baby shower yet.

Kendall Grace Jensen was born August 19, 2009 because of a premature rupture of the membranes. It's actually more common that I originally thought. I was in the hospital a grand total of three days. Kendall, however, stayed a day short of 4 weeks.

My plan was to have a water birth sometime in the beginning of October at the hospital in my hometown. Because of the premature labor, I did not get the birth experience I was planning. Not only did I have to deal with the loneliness of leaving my new baby in the hospital, I had to overcome feelings of guilt and helplessness.

I couldn't help think that this situation was somehow my fault. I felt betrayed by my own body and blamed the early labor on a combination of stress and certain physicalities. I felt guilty that Chris had to deal with all the stress as well; especially since the idea of having a baby was largely a result of MY hormonal timeclock.

Leaving your baby in the hospital for someone else to take care of gives you such a feeling of helplessness. Kendall was hooked up to so many different machines, I felt my role as a mother was taken over nurses and doctors. I knew I couldn't give her the specialized care she needed and that was one of the most painful things about the whole experience.

Kendall is now home and so beautiful and healthy. If it weren't for the attention and care of the hospital staff and nurses I don't even want to think about where Kendall would be right now. I am so happy to be able to now bond with her and love her. Although it was not the experience I was planning for, it was still an experience; and one I will savor always.

March of Dimes

As many of you know, I avoid most politics and debates. I try to keep a neutral stand on most issues; especially the issues in which I am not educated in.

However, after having a premature baby, I did some research on preemie care. In my research, I came across the March of Dimes organization which raises money to help find treatment for prematurity and birth defects in infants. This may sound very peachy on the outside, but in researching this subject further, I came across some information which upset me. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot support March of Dimes. Here is a link to one of the articles I read.

Kendall Grace Jensen

I wanted to upload a picture but blogger is being weird and not letting me upload an image. Oh well!

Lots of pictures on Flickr!

Surrender

Here is a link to download Chris's sermon for the Sunday evening service. It is an amazing message to listen to (and I'm not just being biased).

"Surrender" by Chris Jensen

Summertime memories

I keep hearing people say that they are praying for no fires to come through our area again this summer. Although I like the idea of over 50 homes in the Concow/ Paradise area NOT burning to the ground, I can't help but think of what Chris and I experienced together as a result of those anxious weeks of relocation and chaos.

During the first evacuation, the town of Paradise closed all roads going into it and all but one going out. It also happened to be at a time when I was working in Chico and Chris was in Magalia (with our only car). There was a point when I didn't know if he was going to make it down to me at all.

It was a Thursday. I remember this because Farmer's Market was busier than ever in downtown Chico. I was very blessed to have two good friends wait with me for close to six hours while Chris fought traffic and fires to be with me. Sitting barefoot in the plaza I could see the smoke cloud coming up from the valley and looming overhead but I felt strangely at peace knowing that my Chris was doing everything he could to come to me.

I remember dancing with a toddler on my hips to the music and rhythm of the belly dancers in the park. I remember walking through downtown Chico barefoot and not caring about the dirt or broken glass. Even though my home was in danger and I didn't even know where I was going to stay that night, I felt free.

Chris finally made it to Chico as it was getting dark. We said goodbye to our friends and then started making phone calls to where we were going to stay. All hotels were booked but with a few more phone calls we found a family with a room they were willing to let us use as long as we wanted. Again, I am so thankful for this woman and her daughters who took us in. I think we made some really good friends that week.

Chris and I went to the store and bought some needed supplies and a cold six pack of our favorite beer. That night we sat in the grass in the smoky, muggy, Chico night air, drank our beer and talked about our future. I don't really remember specifically what we talked about but I remember just having a good time. I was so happy we were together. I love sitting beside him.

This day was my favorite day of last summer; not because homes were destroyed and families suffered loss, but because I found what was meaningful to me.

Encouragement for believers

Next week's Sunday School lesson is on encouragement. Although we are going to be studying the life of Barnabas, I find that Christ is our ultimate encourager. Just listen to John 14:

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would not have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also...I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me; otherwise believe because of the works themselves. Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it. If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also. In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you. He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

John 14:1-3, 6, 11-21, 26, 27

Retreat and Rest

This weekend was my rest, my sabbath. I put down my work and entered into communion with God in the mountains.

I had a wonderful, fulfilling time at a retreat for minister's wives. I missed my husband and my family, but I was still reluctant to come home. As a minister's wife, I often find myself too busy at church and home to be properly fed by God's word. And I will admit that with my stressed out life I have been neglecting my time with God.

This weekend I was able to put aside my life and focus on God and what He was trying to tell me. I prayed that Christ be the center of my family all weekend and nothing else. Amazing seminars were offered and I soaked up every word -classes on domestic violence, anger, marriage and prayer.

I committed to God the things of my life and my family but God put those things to the test before I even made it home. I got a phone call from my husband with news of a "slight" family emergency. Pre-retreat I would have just withdrawn and ignored the situation letting my husband deal with it; but this was now post-retreat. How was I going to handle this situation?

I wish I had a snazzy verse or spiritual insight to share but sometimes life is not like that, even as a minister's wife. I simply prayed; waited for my husband to get home; then dealt with it together, as a team, with the love of Christ on our hearts.